
I woke up this morning with my face all sticky and wet. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was crying in my sleep. I was missing you. In my dream, I remember thinking that I just wanted to talk to you. In the dream, my siblings were all gathered around the famous *kitchen table* that was the center of so many family gatherings and family turmoil. I look straight into the eyes of a cousin and say, "I miss mom." After I run off to your room, jump on your side of the bed and try to focus on a picture that looks like the old you that I remember...and I cry and cry.
What puzzles me when I wake up, is why do I tell the cousin. You see, he was from my adopted family, so you didn't even know him; and then a light bulb goes off in my head. He was the one that drove us to your brother's funeral, where I met you for the very first time. It was your typical Pacific Islander funeral, people from everywhere, aunties and uncles you've never met...and if you're lucky, you might even see your birth mother that you've never met or seen since her cousin took you in and raised you as her own.
I was lucky. I saw you for the first time ever...I talked to you and I hugged you and it was the very first time you said...I love you. People ask me all the time how I knew it was you, easy I would say...you looked at me like a mother looks at her newborn for the very first time, only I was 11 years old and she was 39, it was a meeting that was a long time coming, and I remember that I was so happy that our meeting that was cut short all those years ago...finally happened and my heart was never the same again.
~TW