My comment on Dooce's Post for today...

This post made me feel "yuck" and so sad inside. It's as if we're all in these different clicks, much like high school. We have the luv dooce click, the hate dooce click, the those who have click, the those who have nothing click, her family is ugly click and on and on and on...

But why? Is it fear, jealousy, insecurity or just stress from this messed up world we live in! I don't claim to know, but can we just all get over ourselves for a second. I know that when I read your post about Leta's first day, your words inspired me to "want" to be a better mom (or just a better person). And any blog, book, tweet, quote, song, video that gives me that feeling is so worth my time.

And if the blogger, author, twitter singer can afford $24 mascara, GOOD FOR THEM. That doesn't make me less of a person or angry, it makes me happy that someone has found something they enjoy, why wouldn't we want the best for someone else...sounds corny, but that's just love and love is a universal instinct!

Dooce gives it to me through her words, my daughter gives it to me through her humor, my husband gives it to me with his crazy quirks...and I hope that at some point, that those that are so angry...will find someone to give it to them. We all live under the same sky, and when it's all said and done...Patrick Swayze's character in GHOST is right, all we can take with us is the love...

Peace...

Hello!

It has been so long, I feel like I am in a foreign land. Blogging again? Maybe...

Today,

I had to sit through a two hour staff meeting, and my lower body became numb. Not the best feeling in the world.

I took a break from crying about being so far away from the family, during tough times. Is it possible to die just from pure sadness? Life can take some weird turns and you just have to wonder to yourself, "What just happened...?"

I got a warm feeling, when my dad said *goodnight* over the phone.

I wondered why must teachers be FORCED to dress up for Halloween. It's just not fair.

I loved having lunch with my son, daughter and husband...for 30 minutes we were a family again!

Sweet dreams, jelly bean!

My Buddy...

My sister enjoyed my blogging, only because she could take a peek into my life without getting into my face; so to honor her *Birthday* that I missed this year (I know, I'm a bad sister) I thought I would give her a little peek again. You will always be my buddy, you know that right!?

Only Love,

~TW

What Can I Say, He's A Family Guy...

People that I love dearly need some cheering up right now, so I searched the archives and found this picture from Halloween of 2007. If you've never seen the show Family Guy-I don't blame you one bit! However, the husband and the kid were gawked at like celebrities, a smash hit I tell you.

Smile sissie, I love you.

When Tragedy Strikes...

Isn't it amazing how it brings family together? I ache something awful to be with all of them right now, but circumstances beyond my control make it difficult for me to be there. My love and thoughts are with you all.

~Me

I miss you...I can't stop crying because I miss you so much. Holidays are tough, tears are fresh, you broke my heart by leaving. I love you so very much, I can't wait for my feet to touch Louisiana soil. Louisiana will always be where my mom IS. ;) I found this poem and it helps:

Loss of Mother Poem

Now that I am gone,
remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
cry with your brother or sister
who walks in grief beside you.
And when you need me,
put your arms around anyone
and give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much.
I want to leave you something --
something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known
or helped in some special way.
Let me live in your heart
as well as in your mind.
You can love me most
by letting your love reach out to our loved ones,
by embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
give me away as best you can.

~ Author unknown

POPCORN

The husband cheats and melts extra butter to pour on top, and you have hot buttered cinnamon popcorn. I didn't realize how many people take their popcorn so seriously. ; ) Me included!

TW

I Love...

...Beautiful Sunday mornings.
...Watching movies that my honey goes to rent for me.
...Take care of yourself days a.k.a. wellness day.
...Hot showers.
...Ice cold water or juice.
...His soft hands on my back.
...The smell of hot buttered, cinnamon popcorn.
...My son's very short haircut, cutie.
...My daughters funny notes left around the house for us.
...Having the house to myself.
...Early morning soccer games with the cold wind blowing.
...Starbucks coffee brought to early soccer game by husband.
...Naps on a weekend afternoon.

~TW

Some Good Things...

I made an "A" on my oral presentation in speech class. yay! Apparently, even though I was a nervous wreck, they liked my energy, I'll take that.

I washed my hair yesterday...what you don't care?? It's a big thing for someone who's battling the blues. heehee I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Also, I started another blog to help me deal with some stuff, so don't be confused and think I started a new one...I just have two of them now. If you want, you can be directed there by clicking my profile. Later, jelly beans.

TW

Dear Blog & Blogger Friends,

I'm having a mini-breakdown. I've fallen into this black hole, it's really nothing major. I've come to accept the depression for what it is, but sometimes it takes a good bite out of my ass, and I just can't get moving. I don't remember the last time I hit the shower in the past few days, it has all been a blur.

It's usually due to a combination of things, a fight with my teenager, school stress, and that damn football! I just can't listen to it without crying about missing my birth mother, just typing that sentence made me cry--SEE?? It's going to be a tough first year without her. We didn't have one of those hallmark mother/daughter relationships, but that's not what I miss, nor would I change anything about us. I just miss an "ordinary conversation" with her. A conversation where she does most of the talking, and I'm left thinking, why did I even bother to call...but you're just happy you did. That's what I miss.

Also, my "machine gun" mouth is getting in the way of parenting, and I'm just not very proud of myself at the moment. But it's one of those things where you pray and hope that the child will grow up and find a damn good therapist. ; ) I know, I'm starting to come out of it, because beFrank and Jennifer's comment made me smile. It's the little things in life, right? Baby steps...that's what I'm taking right now, and I'm sure things will come around, they always do.

I miss you, jelly beans!

TW

Note to TW's True Love...You're an amazing man, and I am very lucky to have you.

She Is...

~Kind

~Thoughtful

~Intelligent

~Funny

~Beautiful

~Spiritual

~Wonderful

~Loving

~Trustworthy

~Graceful

She's my sister and a true lady...Happy Birthday, I love you!

Sis/TW

I Just Don't Remember...

I hate it when I hide things, so that my 10 year old doesn't touch it...AND THEN I can't remember the specific hiding place. Oh where--is that printer paper?!? Note to self, calm down and breathe and never hide anything again; adult homework is stressful enough. The End.

~TW

Reason #2 on why I THINK I love him...

We were settled in for the night. I'm reading a book in bed (or I should say TRYING to read a book), and he's watching TV. The volume is so ( ( ( high ) ) ) on the set that the entire state knows that he's watching Law & Order!

"Honey, can you turn it DOWN please?"

He looks at me with that boyish smile..."Can't you just read louder?"

He continues to amuse me people, even after 16 years of marriage. Reading louder was even better than earlier in the evening when he said, "Honey I miss us."

"You mean you miss having sex?"

"Yeah."

Like I said...I think I love him.

~TW

Whatever...

My husband decided he would help me with the dishes today. In the sink we had a very SMALL amount of DIRTY dishes--in the dishwasher we had a set of CLEAN dishes. I am not quite sure about the logic he was using, but instead of emptying the dishwasher of the clean dishes and loading it again; he decided it was better to leave the clean dishes in the dishwasher. He then proceeded to wash the few dirty dishes we had, and put them away wet. Yes, I said wet. It was almost comical to watch him clean the silverware, rinse it and drop it in the drawer WET. I was rendered speechless, which is tough to do. After he left the kitchen, I went back and dried the wet dishes he just put away, and I emptied the dishwasher. WHATEVER!!!

I think I love him.

TW

The Power of the Father...

I loved, loved, loved this movie for three reasons:

-Madison Pettis where have you been all my life. What a sweet piece of talent.

-It reminded me SOOO MUCH of our vow renewal in Las Vegas last summer.

-The Rock. I support my culture whenever I can, and damn he's beautiful.

Favorite lines:

~Believe in the power of the Father.
~Fathers pick you up and dust you off.
~You're freakishly large...

Happy Weekend~

Elvis has left the building. ; )

One More Day by Diamond Rio - The Last Time

For the families of 9/11...it's always harder on the living, I think. Peace.

~TW

UNWRITTEN - NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

I started school last week and the fear still creeps up on me sometimes, but I refuse to give in to those fears. So after the kids have been dropped off, I always come home take a shower and blast this song on my computer. It's my "cheerleading" for the day to myself...so today, it's for me and Tara. Happy Monday, jelly beans!

~TW

Tears in my Sleep...

I woke up this morning with my face all sticky and wet. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was crying in my sleep. I was missing you. In my dream, I remember thinking that I just wanted to talk to you. In the dream, my siblings were all gathered around the famous *kitchen table* that was the center of so many family gatherings and family turmoil. I look straight into the eyes of a cousin and say, "I miss mom." After I run off to your room, jump on your side of the bed and try to focus on a picture that looks like the old you that I remember...and I cry and cry.

What puzzles me when I wake up, is why do I tell the cousin. You see, he was from my adopted family, so you didn't even know him; and then a light bulb goes off in my head. He was the one that drove us to your brother's funeral, where I met you for the very first time. It was your typical Pacific Islander funeral, people from everywhere, aunties and uncles you've never met...and if you're lucky, you might even see your birth mother that you've never met or seen since her cousin took you in and raised you as her own.

I was lucky. I saw you for the first time ever...I talked to you and I hugged you and it was the very first time you said...I love you. People ask me all the time how I knew it was you, easy I would say...you looked at me like a mother looks at her newborn for the very first time, only I was 11 years old and she was 39, it was a meeting that was a long time coming, and I remember that I was so happy that our meeting that was cut short all those years ago...finally happened and my heart was never the same again.

~TW

CIGA-WEED...

I LOVE this show. Why? Because it makes me LAUGH, and I do mean laugh out loud! Which is really ironic, because all the people in my real life know, that I just had the year from hell due to this substance and a teenager. So I watch it at night or when he's not home, because I don't want a relapse...he's been clean for 4 months now! yay! He is also doing really well in a drug program for teens.

Anyway, back to the show. I love watching *Mary Louise Parker* in character with her youngest son on the show and with her housekeeper. One of my favorite lines is when she tells him:

"I am very fond of you."

The song in the beginning is hysterical, and it doesn't help that it reminds me of my current place of residence. eek! Happy weekend, jelly beans.