Dear Blog & Blogger Friends,

I'm having a mini-breakdown. I've fallen into this black hole, it's really nothing major. I've come to accept the depression for what it is, but sometimes it takes a good bite out of my ass, and I just can't get moving. I don't remember the last time I hit the shower in the past few days, it has all been a blur.

It's usually due to a combination of things, a fight with my teenager, school stress, and that damn football! I just can't listen to it without crying about missing my birth mother, just typing that sentence made me cry--SEE?? It's going to be a tough first year without her. We didn't have one of those hallmark mother/daughter relationships, but that's not what I miss, nor would I change anything about us. I just miss an "ordinary conversation" with her. A conversation where she does most of the talking, and I'm left thinking, why did I even bother to call...but you're just happy you did. That's what I miss.

Also, my "machine gun" mouth is getting in the way of parenting, and I'm just not very proud of myself at the moment. But it's one of those things where you pray and hope that the child will grow up and find a damn good therapist. ; ) I know, I'm starting to come out of it, because beFrank and Jennifer's comment made me smile. It's the little things in life, right? Baby steps...that's what I'm taking right now, and I'm sure things will come around, they always do.

I miss you, jelly beans!

TW

Note to TW's True Love...You're an amazing man, and I am very lucky to have you.